There seems to be only one road that meanders through it and it wraps around the state in an endless circle of pot holes. Providence is a pretty city but ill get to that in a moment. You can't really count NEWPORT or its mansions as a redeeming quality of Rhode Island because no one from Rhode Island lives in them. They are all summer homes for people from Connecticut!
At any point in time along the major routes in and out of Rhode Island you will notice a disproportionate number of vehicles exiting the state to those entering. And if you were to ever be pulled over by a RI state trooper he would undoubtedly leap into the back seat of your car and exclaim,
" I have a gun pointed at the back of your head, turn around and get me out of here, DRIVE, DRIVE, DRIVE! "
Some RI facts that you may not know.
state motto: "Run while you can"
State flower: Poison ivy
state bird: The Vulture
State seal: A Century 21 sign that reads [ FOR SALE]
Upon entering the state you are greeted by not only a strange smell but a sign that reads "Welcome to the armpit of Connecticut". In RI their favourite pass time is "cow tipping" and their favourite sport is "slap your brother's bottom".
Here are some indicators that you're from Rhode Island:
YOU MIGHT BE FROM RHODE ISLAND IF-
You think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project outside Providence.
You have been married three times yet your in-laws remain the same.
You think Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
You find it normal that your dentist moonlights as a Maytag repair man and is much busier their.
The State passes a new law saying after you divorce, you are still legally BROTHER and SISTER.
You can burp and say your name at the same time.
You brought a fishing pole when visiting Mystic Sea Life Aquarium in Connecticut.
You met your current wife by calling the number on the men's room stall door.
You think a quarter horse is the ride outside the dollar store
Your bathroom is on blocks behind your trailer.
Your house has wheels and a wide load banner on it.
You and your dog use the same tree!
and
You wear your Sunday bests to shop at Wal-mart.
Lets talk about Providence for a moment, Pretty actually with a population of aprox, 626,000 (as of Jul 2008) and 624,000 of those are HOMELESS and 1,400 are tourist that became lost driving from Mass, about 600 of them are unknown. Providence has some beautiful architecture, borrowing from Historic Connecticut designs. An interesting river that flows through it, or is that what is known as "waste management". Their accent, HA! Their accent sounds like a mix between someone exiting a synagogue with marbles in their mouth and a high pitched cat screaming as if it were being skinned alive!
Their idea of garden statuary is old refrigerators with no doors and a few rusty hood less abandoned cars. Of course you often cannot see these yard ornaments through the 6' grass and vines covering their trailers. The roads have no street lamps because no one wants to look at the state in the day, never mind illuminating it at night. The tax rate in RI is much less because they have no highways to fund (those that run through it are owned either by CT or MASS) and they certainly don't use it for education!
This is not a joke (this actually happened to me) I once stopped in a small town to ask for directions to the beach and the girl at the counter who only sold BOSTON maps had this golden nugget of advice. "Well, this is Rhode Island, drive in any direction. We are surrounded by water, you are bound to hit one sooner or later"!!! Ask yourself this, Surrounded? Surrounded would suggest it really were an Island. However, to the West is Connecticut and to the North is Massachusetts. So surrounded? Now, why is it that the deeper you travel into that dirty little state, the more it resembles a hick town out of a slasher film?
So the nest time you're up at 3am watching an extended commercial for "FEED THE CHILDREN". You know, the ones that depict the faces of fly covered children drinking murky water from a rusty old basin, remember; Those may just be children from Rhode Island, give and give generously!
Thank you,
This was a response to a blog I read about some jerk who hated CT and he was from, YOU GUESSED IT!
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